I had to tell Doug at work not to flick me in the nuts.
He said, “We do it all the time at the cricket club.”
I said, “I don’t care.”
He said, “You can flick me in the…”
I said, “I don’t want to. It’s not on my to do list.”
Somebody heard and we had to see HR.
She said, “It’s lucky it’s not sexual harassment.”
Doug said, “I don’t want to fuck him.”
Which hurt my feelings. Just the part of my brain that wonders if I would succeed being homosexual.
Doug said he wouldn’t flick my nuts again, but he didn’t mean it. He thought that was political correctness gone mad. He did it again when we got downstairs.
His girlfriend came into work and I said, “Hey, mate, what if I offered to flick Christine in the vag?”
I got sent to HR for that. Apparently suggesting to a staff member that I should touch up their partner’s vaginal area is not company policy.
Mum said, “I’m surprised you know where a vagina is.”
I said, “I do read books.”
She said, “You’d learn a lot more from watching porn.”
I did have to watch a video online. It was a three hour tutorial about what parts of the body it’s okay to touch while in the work place. It’s mostly the hands. And head if something is stuck here.
Doug broke up with Christine. So she’s not touching his nutsack anymore.
He’s now going out with Suzan the HR lady. So that’s good for them.