I got a message form a Ukrainian woman living in Shanghai. She wrote, “Hi, how are you?”
I thought, Well, this is bullshit. No woman would message me.
So I wrote back, “Hey, I’m pretty good. Would you rather be an eagle or a shark?”
The eagle or a shark question is one I’ve asked before. I sounds quirky. The result has been 59% of women prefer sharks, and none of them want to date me.
Yerri wrote back, that’s her name, she said, “That’s an unusual question. How’s the weather where you are.”
I wrote, “The weather is great. Would you rather be a penguin or a duck?”
Mum said, “You know this woman might be an actual person.”
I said, “Yeah, and his name’s Yuri.”
This Yerri person wrote back, “That weather sounds good. I’ve been planning a holiday by the beach. All I need to do is to buy a ticket.”
Sure she, he, they, or the computer program does, but I want to keep my dating miles down, and I’m also not convinced this person is in Shanghai or Ukraine. They’re probably in prison.
I wrote back, “You want to visit Australia do you?”
She said, “Yes. February would be ideal.”
This is how they work. They don’t ask for help. That would be suspicious. They make you want to send money. They give you the idea. That’s inception. Very clever.
I wrote, “February sounds great. You should definitely look me up when you get here.”
But then she didn’t reply. Not the next day. Not the day after that. Silence. We’d been typing every day for four days, and now she wasn’t replying.
So I wrote again. “Oh, hey, I haven’t heard from you, which is weird, I mean you really write back fast, and I was wondering if you’re okay, just checking, nothing wrong, still planning February? I have a place you can stay.”
The next day she replied, “Oh, hey, I found some cheap flights to Macau and booked. Thanks for your offer. All the best. Yerri.”
I Googled Yerri. It’s not a real name. Why would she sign-off as Yerri if it’s not a real name. It’s not like Ukrainians have parents that name their kids Tiannie, or Tylisha, or some self-indulgent imaginative first world spelling problem bullshit name like that.
Maybe she wasn’t a fraud. Maybe Yerri was looking for a friend. Maybe she found one in Macau. Good on her. That’s a happy ending, isn’t it?