Dating Stories: The Carrot Lady

I was in the supermarket trying to decide between two types of pumpkins, and a woman came up to me and said, “I can see you don’t work here, but do you know where the carrots are?”

I said, “Sure, there at the back of the row down there,” pointing in the direction required.

She said, “Great, thanks.”

I said, “Hold on. You have something there,” and I pointed at her teeth, where something green was caught. It was thick, like she had been using her mouth to mow the lawn.

She said, “Oh, thank you,” and picked it out. “It must have been there all day. Do you know how many people I’ve spoken to! Oh my, I just went on a date and he didn’t say anything. I can’t believe it. Nobody said anything. I haven’t eaten all day. It’s so good of you to mention.”

Meanwhile I was in front of these pumpkins and I didn’t know whether I should get the butternut pumpkin or the normal kind. I liked the sound of butternut, ‘cause… butter, but I couldn’t remember if I’ve had it before and if I liked it, and the other one was on special and they looked good, so I was stuck, and this woman kept yapping next to me with her thank-you’s and how-nice-you-are’s, and it was very distracting.

Mum said the women must of liked me. She said, “Women don’t have conversations with people they don’t like.”

I said, “You’re talking to me.”

It was another three day before she said, “See what I mean?”

This women seeking the carrots kept thanking me and I tying to choose between pumpkins, so I said, “Hey, can you stop talking. The carrots are over there.”

She wasn’t happy with that. She grunted, “Arumph!”, and turned around so quickly that she didn’t notice the person behind her, and she walked straight into him.

Broccoli went everywhere, and as they fell to the floor it was like lovers rolling in hay. Except there were buds of broccoli everywhere.

I watched this and decided not to buy any pumpkins, and instead I ran and hid in the frozen food section. While I was trying to decide between 18 different packets of chips, I saw the carrot lady leaving with the broccoli guy. They were picking bits of green out of each other’s hair and clothing. So that’s a happy ending. Good for them.

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