Australia’s Biggest Introvert: The Complete Series

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  • We’re on the set of Australia’s Biggest Introvert and the final four contestants are looking pretty withdrawn. Last night Lance left the show, failing the Describe Yourself in Four Words challenge by using four words, at least one more than Emma, Keith, Dennis or Albert. Stay tuned for soft voices, avoiding eye contact and more as we discover who is Australian’s most introverted!
  • Dennis is reading a paper. Having completed the sudoku, crossword, and quiz, he has pulled out the child supplement and is attempting the find-a-word. Show judge Anastasia is beaming. ‘Dennis was my numero uno ever since he walked into the house and attempted to sleep in the cupboard. No-one likes their quiet time more than the D-man!’ Is Dennis the D-man destined to dominate the introvert domain? Stay tuned to find out.
  • Albert spins the chess board around to allow himself to continue playing against himself. Anastasia is watching from the home studio. ‘I worry about little Albert here. It’s that competitive streak that could really push him over the edge and dominate a competition. That kind of exuberance could get him eliminated.’ Will Albert’s self-determination be his downfall? Watch to find out.
  • Keith has been handed a mobile phone. His task today is to call a women who has been primed by the studio. He stares at the screen. ‘What if she’s busy? She’s probably got something important on,’ his face caves, ‘Oh god I hope she’s got something on. What if she’s naked. What if she’s in the shower. Oh god what if I call while she’s in the shower.’ He cowers into a corner and begins to rock. Has Keith’s cowardice crushed his chances of coasting to a competition crowning? Keep watching.
  • Keith’s aversion to annoying strangers has allowed him to pass the phone call test. Now the final four are in the waiting room. Emma is the last female contestant in Australia’s Biggest Introvert, and with Terry Pratchett novel in hand she peeks over the cover, through her glasses, and at the other contestants. After many beats her soft voice sounds, ‘It’s the worst idea to put us all in the same room. We don’t want to talk to each other.’ She puts the book back up, doodles in a notebook, and continues reading. What’s next in the life of Emma? Make sure you watch.
  • Anastasia addresses the group. ‘You are our final four, whoo-hoo!’ One of the four blinks. ‘You must be really proud of yourselves. Great work.’ She claps. One of the four rubs their elbow. ‘Now I’m sure you’re all wondering what we have for you next?’ No-body replies. ‘Can anyone say make-over!’ Dennis says, ‘Make-over?’ and is eliminated. Which contestant will be next to make an outburst and end their run on the show? Keep watching.
  • Regarding last night’s eviction Anastasia says, ‘I’m really shocked at Dennis, dropping the ball like that. I could have just died.’ Behind her Emma watches her shoes be removed and placed in a plastic bag. Red heels are presented. Emma’s right shoulder droops and her eyebrows raise ever so slightly. Her reactions are closer to visibly recoiling as made by any other contestant. The judging panel meet. Will they vote out Emma for her emotional display? Stay tuned.
  • Emma has survived a forced eviction. Elsewhere, dressed in a blue, pin-stripped suit, Albert is overheard mumbling that his new clothes are, ‘Alright.’ Rumours begin to surface, alleging that Albert is not really introverted but is just shy. Anastasia says, ‘If he is really just a shy baby, he plays a hard game. I told you. You got to watch out for the quiet ones.’ Awkward, shy, nervous, inhibited, unconfident, reserved, or sheepish. Albert could be any of these, but could he also be Australia’s Biggest Introvert? Keep watching.
  • Keith is now the favourite to win Australia’s Biggest Introvert. One of the shows’ coaches gives him a pep talk before the final challenges. After being told that now is the time to bring it! Keith is unsure what to bring. He has searched his bag and room for clues, and has found a bra. ‘Oh god,’ he says and shakes so much that a picture falls off a table. He continues to shake and crawls into a bathtub for safety. Is Keith safe from eviction in the bathtub? Stay tuned.

  • The contestants are taken to a shopping mall. With their new clothes of bright colours and striking pattens the three are placed in a Dress Now window display. The curtain to the display is dropped and they are exposed to the passing world. ‘It is like watching rabbits in headlights,’ says Anastasia. ‘If they didn’t have to blink or breath you wouldn’t even notice they were real.’ How long will they stand there, exposed to the gaze of the passing shoppers? Find out in the next instalment.

  • After the initial shock Emma leaves the Dress Now window display, closely followed by Albert. Keith remains and this individualism causes his eviction. After leaving the Biggest Introvert house he blogs: “I’ll miss the companionship most. I now know that they were mannequins in the window but at the time I felt like it was safety in numbers. When night came it should have been ok to go home, but I was the only one that moved. It was a real shame. I thought the lady in the dress and I had bonded.” Will Emma and Albert bond now they are alone in the house? Watch for more Biggest Introvert to find out.

  • Emma is reading a Neil Gaiman novel. Now only her and Albert are in the house. She can see him in the kitchen, warming a lasagne in the microwave oven. Asked about her feelings towards him Emma doodles in her notebook and whispers something inaudible. She begins reading again as Albert sits in the room to eat. Anastasia watches from the video room. ‘Could this be romance?’ she says. Albert finishes eating, accidentally farts, and leaves the room. Emma doesn’t look up from her book. Is this romance? Keep watching for an answer.

  • A viewer poll on the farting and ignoring interaction between Albert and Emma says “No, this is not romance.” Now the lounge room has been redesigned as a lecture theatre. Anastasia is at a podium to speak. ‘It is time,’ she says to the final two. ‘You have come a long way on this journey, and my, haven’t we struggled to get to know you. Albert with your hesitance and chess. Emma with your reading and drawing. We’ll miss both of you, equally, but only one can stay in the Biggest Introvert house.’ Hundreds of eyes suddenly appear on screens, representing the thousands of viewers. The room feels very crowded.

  • ‘Your challenge today is to stand up here and speak to the world,’ says Anastasia. ‘You must use your voice and let us know why you should be allowed to stay in the house, why you should be crowded Australia’s Biggest Introvert!’ She steps away. Albert puts his hands in his front pockets, hunches forward, and avoids eye contact with everyone. Emma sighs, rolls her head back and approaches the microphone. So far every contestant who has accepted or completed a challenge has been eliminated. What will she say to the world? Find out in the next episode of Australia’s Biggest Introvert.

  • Emma would be aware of the trickery involved. Signs of individualism in Australia’s Biggest Introvert have seen contestants eliminated. Regardless, Emma now stands at the podium and begins to speak. ‘I have one thing to say.’ A feeling of victory warms in Albert’s chest. Emma continues, ‘It has been a month. Either start paying rent or move out, please.’ Emma steps away from the microphone. There’s a short discussion amongst the production crew. Albert joins them in looking through a window at a nicer house across the street. Someone holds a map. What is the house across the street? Watch for more.

  • Having won Australia’s Biggest Introvert, Emma is again working as a research assistant. From her desk she confesses she does not know how she came to be involved in the show. ‘I didn’t enter,’ she says. ‘All these people came in, and I thought they were builders or inspectors, then they wouldn’t leave and kept asking me to do things. I didn’t want to be rude at first but it bothered me.’ Asked about Albert suing the program for awarding the prize to a non-contestant, Emma said, ‘They gave me membership to Toastmasters and a trip to Las Vegas. He can have them.’ She begins doodling in her notebook again.
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