Are you tired of trying to avoid the coverage of the British royal baby? Yes? Then spare a thought for the baby itself. Not a day following it’s birth and Australia’s most respected news channel, ABC TVs News24, was speculating on what the child will wear, how much those clothes will sell for, and the child’s appearance given its a girl related to Diana Spencer and Catherine Middleton, aka whatever their royal titles currently are. That’s right. A freshly pressed baby, pink of skin and mushed in the face, was having its appearance judged on the nation’s most reputable television station, a station not even in the same country as the child. Consider how that kid is going to grow up. The first time she wears anything pink, the first hair cut, the first sign of boobs, the first photoshopped nude shots, the first actual nude shots, everything will be criticised on a front page, and she has a brother who wont be able to stop any of these bullies from hurting his sister. And so, for the royal baby, if she wants a chance to not be hideously judged, her best solution is to join a nunnery. Immediately. That’s it. Actually, either that or the military. Immediately.
PS: The baby has now been named, Charlotte – a contraction of the words charcoal and lottery. Another reason to join a nunnery… or the military. Immediately.