10 Obvious Solutions to attending a music festival alone

Going alone and dressing like this will attract security attention to you possibly selling drugs.
Going alone and dressing like this will attract security attention to you possibly selling drugs.

Expect to remain alone: Fables of people making friends at events are usually told by people who sell drugs. Most people don’t want to make spontaneous friends, that’s why they arrange to go places with people they know. Place no hope on gaining companions. The isolated are not attractive. Sorry, that’s not funny, that’s just a fact.

Limit the bands you see: Standing alone for a whole festival is only needed if you’re selling drugs, otherwise it can make for a headache of unresolved thoughts – aka Brain Trap. The top tip is to look at a performance timetable and enter the festival when a majority of the acts you want to see will be playing in a cluster.

Do something beforehand: Go to a movie or an art gallery, anything, because aside from filling out the day these will give you something to think about between sets. It will probably also be more interesting than deciding which foods to eat, when to eat, when to go to the toilet, the benefits of buying a hemp bag, or the revenue you could be making by selling drugs.

Float on the edge of social groups: You can overhear stories and this will relax the brain from thinking by itself, thus lowering the Brain Trap. Also, appearing to be with people reduces the number of security guards watching to see if you are at the gig only to sell drugs.

Carry a notepad: Looking like a music journalist is a good tip. Pretending to talk on a mobile phone, pretending to look for someone, pretending to buy a tray of beers, pretending to need the toilet, and pretending to take photographs are also good ideas. The best thing about the mobile phone is that it seems you have fiends somewhere. Feigning life as a freelance photojournalist can be expensive though, as some cameras cost more than a car. The notepad option is cheap and allows one to play number games while appearing to be writing reviews. All this also helps remove the image that you’re there only to sell drugs.

Even if no-one joins you, you can still see some good music.
Even if no-one joins you, you can still see some good music.

Get infatuated with a stranger: Much like going to a movie or art gallery being fixated on a stranger can give you something to think about. It can also prompt observant security guards to think that you’re watching the stranger because you want to buy some of the drugs they could be selling.

At least pretend to dance: Swaying is ok. It’s not the same as dancing but it looks better than standing steadfast. Not dancing is only okay if you are pretending to be writing notes or taking photographs, or if you’re at the back of the crowd pretending to be with another group. The problem is that standing still at a music festival can be considered by security as the sign that you are calculating something sinister, like selling drugs.

Don’t hide in the toilet: Solitude when you feel exposed is great, but retreating for a long time into a toilet cubical gives the impression that you’re actually using the drugs the security already think you have. So limit the frequency of toilet visits.

Eat something: Buying food and eating alone is okay. It looks like you’re taking a rest from partying and drug selling. However, do not eat from the food van with the most people in front of it. This is because you’ll most likely fill-in time by eating, and by pretending to be a food journalist with your notepad, and continually standing in queues is not particularly fun.

Stand back: Pushing yourself to the front rows and interacting with a crowd of jumping people can be good, but only for as long as your fitness and moshing experience allow. It is recommend to save this jumping part of the festival until near the end, when most people are drunk and therefore it might be possible to make single moment spontaneous friends… this is assuming you have not been thrown out by security under suspicion of selling drugs.

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