Me and My Fake Girlfriend console at least one of us

‘It’s not that bad,’ said Annabel. Her apparition floated in the kitchen. Legs too much for my mind to imagine.

‘You don’t think this sucks?’ Onto the bench I unpack mushrooms and lettuce. These items were not the discussion topic.

‘It is a little negative, but look on the bright side.’


‘Yes, Dean.’

‘It feels like I keep turning a side over. Like I’m hoping to flip some dirt to see grass – or an analogy that will work, and I’m tired of turning.’

‘I like the analogy.’

‘I want the land to stay still. I left my shovel at the last house, and I’m getting too old for back bending, and there’s other things. Frankly, it’s exhausting. And I’m not just talking of the metaphor. I want things to stop. I want to be happy.’

‘A move will do you good,’ at this point Annabel had started to solidify and I had started to cut sweet potato – as a complete noun rather than an adjective with the word potato.

Annabel continued, ‘You’ll be closer to family, friends, events, and you’ll have a job. There are many more reasons to leave than stay in this town.’

I noticed her legs had solidified, much like jelly does in a fridge. Despite not planning to drink I opened a bottle of wine and drank half a glass. (Dear Reader, I’m adding more character events this week because I got told they add colour and depth to proceedings. I’m not so sure.)

I notice Annabel has thick, wooden stock type calves. Where she got them from I don’t know. Maybe from her days waitressing in restaurants. Maybe it’s hereditary. As she’s my fiction I should know, but it’s an element I don’t think she wants to talk about. (See what I mean Dear Reader? I’ve also been reading about meta. It is less fun than metaphysics and mostly says it is improper to acknowledge the audience. As if I’m writing and people are reading. Ha! Bull to that. This is supposed to be fun times.)

‘Basically,’ I say into the ether, my sidetracked mind having vanquished Annabel’s presence into being a past thought, ‘I don’t want to move.’

Later that night I packed boxes and set dates to visit friends around the big city.


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