Why Wine is Not a Car

In case you have not noticed, wine is not a car. It would be great if wine was a car, but it is not. There are many steps separating wine from being a car. This is a few of them…

You cannot race wine

AGD Car
For the visual minded, this is a car

Ok, obviously you can race wine – sending two “streams” of it down the pavement outside a Hungarian restaurant. But that is not in the way I mean, cause you can’t place a row of wine bottles across a start line, fire a gun, and see which sprints to the finish line first. Trust me, without some buggy system, it can’t be done.

Wine doesn’t have very good numerical figures

Sure, a car might go from zero to fifty in naught point eight four seconds (I’ve no idea if that is applicable in anyway), but a wine doesn’t do that. All the numbers associated with wine, acids and sugars and alcohols and whatnot, don’t tell most people anything about the taste.

You can drink after filling up on wine

But, conversely, you should not drive after filling up on wine. (Please note: A Good Drop endorses the responsible service of alcohol, and by “filling up” Morrie refers to a vehicle’s fuel tank’s capacity.)

Wine does not come in orange

Red, pseudo-white, rose (pronounced “rose-ay”), black, purple, brick-red, light-green, browny, golden, even milky (when the wine has a boo-boo), are all colours a wine can feasibly be. But not orange.

no thats not what i mean
No, this in not the way to get into a wine bottle

There is definitely a limit to the number of clowns you can fit inside a bottle of wine

One.

There is no limit to the number of clowns you get out of a bottle of wine

Fact (equally the same for the appearance of muppets, tossers, tools, jokers, tyre-kickers, and wowsers).

James May doesn’t know the first thing about wine

Bugger… this one is wrong, ignore it.

Judging a car on appearance alone is perfectly acceptable

A very stupid car
This is orange, a humvee, and not a wine

It explains the common use of Humvees, they look ok but are otherwise an oversized vehicle for people with a small wink-wink (I say “wink-wink” to avoid interent censorship by using the word “dick”). Wine can look good, but is pointless on looks alone.

Put a key in a car and you can start it up

Put wine in people and you can start them up… but not in the same manner.

Some great wines come out of Geelong

Hmm, what is your opinion of Ford?

You cannot drink a car

Ok, obviously you can drink a car by breaking down its elements under heat to produce some sort of hydrogen based soup is – theoretically – possible. But looking, driving or reading about a car is a way to decide if you like it. Wine, on the other hand, is something you have to drink to decide.

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